HeartLines

Lost,
beneath a still fragile surface, 
everything became space, all passed through me
and I drowned in the void of his words,
pushed further and further down toward the deep dark,
toward sleep, toward death.
            What transcends then?
Then,
a single beam of light only made the night more dark,
and so the late hours lengthened and so the hours passed more slow,
not invincible, the star descended
            But evening came and morning followed, again,
            I waited for tomorrow again.
Submerged in illusions of futures, delusions
watered by ruses, wading through half-truths
and all my good intentions ruined all the while,
diluted, strangely, by passion,
his passion.
Then,
my heart somehow still hesitant,
was not blind, but true to self. Still,
my body grown indifferent to mind’s consent,
sabotaged, surrendering slowly as he grew selfish
and reckless, my being but a wrecked mess.
             When will the waters deliver the dead?
             He leaves. He left.
Grounded, present,
recentered in self so now that my eyes are aware,
the wearing in my face is clear,
now that my hands are lonely, I feel the wind,
it touches me back. My thoughts face the frightful
liberation and go beyond the gravitational pull
of his presence in my mind.
             I am the living testament of redemption:
             Hope has transcended.
Now,
light is my guide, my compass is no longer fear
nor desire, my purpose is no longer passion, regret
is not the sole form of restraint.
Dawn no longer brings the dread of measuring the day
as time spent either with or without him:
             Tomorrow is mine.
Emerged from barren earth to life, restored, wholly
reborn on the shores of purity, storm-tossed and scarred,
a redeeming loneliness forges
a new soul.
Now,
the shallow bank does not call to me, too far from its reach.
I smile, I’m polite, I hold no rancor for I
             am delivered from the tyranny of the waters.