HeartLines

I am sorry. I am so sorry for all of the pain I have caused. But how much can I actually be sorry? They weren’t all bad memories. Some were good. Do you remember the smell of ice cream and popcorn filling the air as you walked down Main Street. Smiling and laughing as Grandma and Papa held hands for what it seems is the first time in years. The last time ever going on Splash Mountain before it closed down. Being able to see the entire park from the top of one ride and thinking, “wow this is magical.” Your eyes were lit up showing a happiness that I have never seen before. Happiness. It’s such a funny word. Some people have it and others don’t. You do, you just have to believe it. Believe in yourself the way that the cast of Grey’s Anatomy did in your dream. They were merely characters of your own life. Your friends that wanted to show you, how proud they were. Using these characters of your favorite show as symbols of your friends should have given you strength. Maybe it did, maybe it didn’t. I am not seeing much of a change. Or what about seeing We Three in concert. The band that quite literally saved your life with their music. Some people find it odd but I don’t, because I believe in you. Your face lit up the same way hearing their songs live as it did in that moment with your grandparents. I told you, you can be happy too, you have it in you. Even with the weird moments like a watermelon chasing you in your dream I believe that it still symbolizes something, courage, you were trying so hard to run away from your fears and now you’ve faced them. I am so so so proud of you. You’re branching out, meeting new people (like the kid you met in the airport three years ago), and taking on the world one day at a time. I know I have affected aspects of your life but don’t let me. Do not let me take over everything, you got this. Forget the snakes in the bathroom and move on. It’s time. Once again I am proud of you. Proud of the little moments and proud of how far you have come. Don’t let anything slip away. I am sorry. But without me you wouldn’t be the person that you are today.