– byJenna Barbato
I grew up living in Honolulu. I walked on those beaches as I took my first steps. My Tutu Wahine squeezed my hand as I stumbled to the shoreline. Seventeen years later, the beach still feels the same. Same sand, same people, and the same town. Everything in this little town has stayed consistent, except for the waves. As I grew older, the waves got bigger. I went from jumping over the little waves that crash at the shore to swimming out on my board to catch the big ones before a storm.
I love this island, we were taught to always respect the Aina. Everyone knew everyone on the island and we considered everyone ohana. Ohana means family. Everything in Honolulu was family, we looked out for each other, and for our community.
Every Saturday night my mama makes the best poke on the island. I help her chop up the tuna and vegetables while my little sister sets the table. The whole family sits down to eat together after our day at the beach. We pray for each other and our land. I look out the window to see the sunset and the waves calming down. This was my favorite part of the night.
After dinner, I help my family clean up and head to my room to get ready. All my friends were meeting at the beach for a big bonfire. All the kids in the town get together on the beaches on the weekends to party. I did my makeup, brushed my hair, and put on my favorite top. Tonight was extra special because James was gonna be there. I grew up with James down the road, we have always been friends but recently something changed to be more than that. I know tonight is gonna be special, I have this feeling. My mom was just sitting on the porch outside. She loves that swinging chair.
“Goodnight mama, I’m heading down to the beach, love you.”
“Goodnight Leilani, be careful I love you.” My mom said as I headed down the porch. She means the best, my mom is my world.
I met up with my best friend Alana down the road. We headed down to the beach, the music getting louder as we headed down the path. As we got closer I could see the tiki torches lined up around the bonfire. As soon as our feet hit the sand Alana and I kicked off our sandals and ran over. All our girls were there and we started dancing. Across the bonfire, I can see James. His face was glowing from the flames.
“I’ll be right back, Alana, hold my bag.” I looked at her and she instantly knew. Alana grabbed my bag and fixed my hair.
As I am walking through the crowd I can barely see over anyone’s head. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned my head.
“Leilani, hey, you made it.” It was James. He had the most beautiful piercing blue eyes just like the ocean. Alana says ” That’s why I like him so much. The night goes on for hours. I talked to James for most of the night. We took a walk down the beach after everyone started to head home.
James and I sat at the shoreline just watching the waves crash and listening. Talking for hours under the stars. I knew tonight was gonna be the night. It was the best night. I didn’t wanna leave. It was getting late and I didn’t want my mama to get too worried. James offered to walk me home and gave me his coat for the walk back.
Then it happened, the moment I had been waiting for. We got to my house and it was time to say goodbye. Not only to James but to my favorite night this year. And then James leaned in. He kissed me and it was magic. I lay in my bed reliving every little moment of the night playing it in my head. I couldn’t sleep, all I could think about was James. Eventually, my cheeks got tired of blushing and I fell asleep.
All of a sudden I’m woken up by a loud crash. My eyes are still blurry as I jump out of bed. The house was shaking. I went to the living room, and my first thought was an earthquake. I see Mama and Papa on the front porch. I walked out and saw a line of smoke from the sea to the sky. This was the darkest gray smoke I have ever seen. I can hear helicopters flying above us. In the distance, beyond the smoke, I knew this wasn’t an earthquake anymore.
Papa ran inside to walk up to my little sister. He told us to pack a bag just in case. I didn’t know why, nobody did, but I went to my room and packed. My body was exhausted from running off only a couple hours of sleep but I knew this was important. I packed my clothes, some photos, my favorite book, and James’ jacket. It still smelt like the bonfire from last night.
Another crash. The house shakes again. My heart is racing. I knew this was something bad. This island is my home, we are peace and family, what was going on? Honolulu has always been my safe place, more specifically the beach. The water was my safe place and it was in flames. The smoke clouds got bigger.
Papa said this is from the war. I thought our little island was far away from the world, immune to war. Why is my home getting dragged into this violence? So many unanswered questions flew through my head. Then I thought about Alana and James, were they okay? Is anyone dead? I felt lost, and so did my family.
I have never seen Papa lost and confused. He has never had a look of panic in his eyes, except for today. We grabbed our bags and headed to the shelter. Our entire neighborhood was ready to go. As we headed out I saw a khaki-colored plane fly down almost reaching water, heading in the direction of the smoke. Everyone started running. It was pure chaos.
Tears were running down everyone’s face and they fled towards the bunkers. I swung my backpack over my shoulder and followed Papa, squeezing my little sister’s hand as she stumbled
to keep up with the fast pace. More crashes and lines of smoke appeared by the minute getting worse and worse as we ran. I could feel the ground shaking underneath my sandals. It wasn’t just the navy base that was attacked, our whole town was. The community was destroyed. Physically and mentally we were all destroyed. After sheltering for hours and walking for more I could barely keep my eyes open. The tears made my eyelids heavy but I knew it wasn’t over. I still didn’t know if my friends were okay if my house was still intact. The entire day felt like a blur. Yet, it felt like the longest day of my life. I don’t understand why this would happen to my home. Last night was everything I ever wanted and now it’s gonna. For all I know James could be dead. I couldn’t let my brain go down that path. I grabbed his jacket from my backpack. It didn’t smell like the bonfire anymore. The entire town smelt like smoke. The air was filled with sorrow and silence. Silence except for the loud banging and crashing as we watched the navy ships go down in the water.
I saw Alana in the distance, we made eye contact and went running. I squeezed her so hard, I didn’t want to let go. We cried standing there in the middle of the chaos hugging. I felt frozen. Alana has been my person for the past thirteen years of my life. I couldn’t bear the thought that she wasn’t okay. As grateful as I was that Alana was okay, there was one more person I needed to see. We were all in the dark about what was happening, we got some of our information from the radio. That’s how Papa knew this was the war.
After hiding until the sun was about to set we headed back to the house. I braced myself just in case we came back to our home in ruins. Our home was intact but something was still wrong. I didn’t know where James was. Our streets were destroyed. Nothing felt safe anymore. Nobody felt safe anymore.
The next day as death tolls were being added up and names of missing soldiers came out the community got together to clean up. Alana and I got to work on the debris on the beaches while the men tried to get the fallen trees out of the road. As we went further down the street to clean up we were a block away from James’ house.
“Should I go check on him?” I looked at Alana, I needed her approval for everything, she was always better than me at the boy stuff.
“Who? James? Last I heard he went to the dock yesterday to help with everything.” Alana told me that and my heart dropped.
I knew now I needed to find out if he was dead or alive. Alana walked me to his house and waited down the street for me. I took a deep breath and knocked on his door. Nobody answered. I tried two more times, but still no answer. After every attempt, my heart beat a little faster. After the third knock, I thought it was gonna fall out of my chest. I turned around to head back.
I saw a group of men carrying a tree to the side of the road. There he was, James, alive and breathing. I ran so fast. He was covered in dirt and sweat but I didn’t care. Everything around us was destroyed, everything was gone. The scariest day of my life had just happened and I knew it wasn’t over yet. I know the next couple of weeks are going to be hiding in bomb shelters and lots of prayers. I was better now though and I was ready to take on what came next. I knew I couldn’t take on any more loss of life, we needed to end this war.
