My Mother has always told me I was a dream catcher.
Now my dream is far from reach, it’s in my head and not my hand. Do you know how long it took me to get here?! I can barely fucking breathe without some spineless jerk telling me I am not good enough. I am so damn good and they just can’t see it, because maybe it’s not meant for them to see. You think that it makes me happy to be in a room full of people who have what I want? Audition after Audition after audition, rejection upon rejection.
You know, I think the closest thing to being loved is to be seen. I haven’t received either in a long, long time. Instead of love people tell me I need to give up on my dreams because they can’t be caught. I’ll have to live with second best but people can’t even see me as second best. In their eyes I come up short every time.
Well you don’t get to decide my future, who are you!? Nobody. I see you sitting there with your slacks on, and your shades, and I know that you think that I should be bowing down to you but I shouldn’t, I don’t have to. 37 minutes ago you were begging on your knees for your boss not to toss you in a dump and you want me to worship you?
You keep telling me I have to work on my emotions. Do you even know what emotions can look like? This isn’t some tv-drama, this is real life. It may be an audition but a script is nothing without a good actor to portray it. You want to know what I’m feeling? You think you can help me? Fine, I’d like to see you try.
I’m scared, I am fucking petrified, you’re sitting here with a job and some source of income one way or another. While I am nothing but a dream catcher. I have no uniform to wash, I have no lines to run. I am nothing but a lost, hurt soul; I am nothing but a dream catcher, but I can’t even be that because I haven’t caught anything. I am sick and tired of not being the one with the opportunity. Why can I never be the one to be picked? I’m done. I am just done. I’m done with having to be happy for everyone else, why can’t I just be happy for me? Why can I not just be the one to win? You think if I had enough money to fall back on I wouldn’t have chosen a different path to travel? A different major to learn? I want and I crave for people to know my name. I’m done being a wallflower. I’m not your pity party, I’m a future star. One thing that you should never forget is that dream catchers always started somewhere. You don’t get to make me a chaser, because my dream is right here and I am not leaving without it.
